Gull Island is government conspiracy code for Gullible Island

Yeah, I am a page view whore so I am going to leave one more link-filled post before I travel.  I do it for a good cause (VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA AND DONATE BEFORE MIDNIGHT), although I am sure the feminists in his circle would find the misogynistic content of this blog revolting.  I did tell this misguided young punk, talk to the hand, bud.  The reason most people come to this Web site is to read my rants about CNBC generally expressed in the form of sexualized, objectifying descriptions of its sweet young hotties, like annoying busty bimbo non-geologist Michelle Caruso Cabrera, the lithe, pale, stacked (pipe-bursting yammy yammy good) Maggie B (Margaret Brennan to you search engines), and the hottest, flat-chested chick of all time (well, until today) Becky Quick.  Anything that I can do to sabotage and marginalize CNBC’s credibility, the better that I can counteract its propaganda and misinformation.  Occassionally, I get some slightly disturbing search terms like THREE “sue herrera boobs” today (what the hell could you people be thinking?), but not as disturbing as the volume of searches I have received on something called Gull Island.  I won’t dismiss it here because I already have, and there are plenty of more serious criticisms of the topic online.  All I can say is, we don’t know what is up there, deep under the Arctic, but it’s going to cost a whole lot of money (TRILLIONS) to find out which could otherwise be invested in a SURE THING called clean, renewable energy.  Yes, we should selectively explore (for other uses of oil beyond burning it) and with the highest standards of environmental protection, but I wouldn’t risk our children’s future DESPERATELY DRILLING based on some preacher’s fantasy and the hope of finding more oil to squander.

I have had a devil of a time trying to embed videos into this post (wtf WP?), so I give up and give you instead a gratuitous, cheesy photo of five young, hot Florida Gator cheerleaders.  I believe their names are (clockwise from left) Blondie, Brownie, Reddie (cripe, you can see her ass), Cappie, and Bunchie.  For those of you Floridians finding this post, VOTE FOR OBAMA, AND NO HANGING CHADS, PLEASE.

The return of Maggie B

Uh oh, Maggie B (Margaret Brennan to you search engines) must have read my latest Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings in which I dropped her to #3, because she looked smokingly hot today in her Plain Jane sort of way.  (I rhyme.)  Yeah, Maggs, just a little effort is all you need, part the bangs, and leave that top one unbuttoned.  Sweet stacked Mo-mma!  If there is any question on – at the top of their respective games – who is the most eminently sexable babe on CNBC, check out this video.

Yeah, I’m a page view whore so keep clicking.

Amanda Drury fills in on bad hair day for Becky Quick

[UPDATE, August 4, 2009: Here is an update on the popular Amanda Drury.]

I wasn’t planning on posting anything this week until I heard this funny accent in the background.  I looked up to see hot little number Amanda Drury from CNBC Asia (sounds like a holiday Manhattan shopping trip disguised as a “special assignment”), so I figured I would grab some cheap page views.  It’s the Street Signs segment so that would mean she is filling in for Erin Burnett, raising questions about whether Burnett even bothered to take a shower today.  I originally thought Drury was British, but I guess that must be an Australian accent based on her bio.  Anyway, Drury’s presence forced me to update “CNBC Bra Sizes”, given my obsessive-compulsive need to be MECE, and so I added her “34B or 34C” (the hint of cleavage and the funny accent throw me off).  Well, maybe CNBC flew her in because they somehow anticipated that Becky Quick, the hottest flat-chested chick of all time, would look like hell today.  Quick’s hair had a few visible cowlicks and what-not and she looked and sounded like she hadn’t gotten enough sleep before Squawk Box.  It was a rare off day for her, but it could potentially affect her standing the next time the Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings are released.  Watch out for that and whether Amanda Drury gives her American colleagues a run for their money next week.

Definitely related post: Larry Kudlow, sir, please stop being a liar fuckhead

UPDATE June 28, 2008 – Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings

I am gonna be gone (I swear) for a week, so I decided to update the Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings before I left after all.  The fan response to the Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings has just been so overwhelming.  Thank you all for your support!  Click here for the latest.

The following list is an archive of the Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings from Thursday, June 26, 2008, at 12:45 PM EDT:

1. Becky Quick, Babeliciousness = 9.74, queen of search terms

2. Margaret Brennan, 9.66, my favorite

3. Trish Regan, 9.52, holding that tan from Brazil with visits to the tanning booth

4. Melissa Francis, 9.47, don’t like her face really, but I think she’s packing a stacked hardbody

5. Michelle Caruso-Cabrera, 9.16, deduct 0.5 for talking

6. Maria Bartoromo, 8.99, aging and ceaselessly bullish, but looking pretty MILFy hot lately

7. Sharon Epperson, 8.79, take a close look…she’s pretty hot

8. Melissa Lee, 8.34, former favorite, gaining a little weight?

9. Erin Burnett, 4.46 before noontime shower and makeup, 7.74 after

10. Karen Finerman, $100 million net worth

Contagion

Well, WordPress killed the first version of this post, so: Verne Troyer, Renae Shrider, Deven Trabosh, Judy Tenuta, Arpad Arki Busson and Uma Thurman, Michael Gagnon, Dee Traboscia, Muskrat, Brandon Inge and his pillow freak injury, Toyota Financial, Jobbie Nooner, Wendi Nix (yummy), Dickie Scruggs, Zheng Jie, Miley Cyrus and your friends at Vanity Fair, Monica sings I love you so much, Christine Morteh’s arrest, Mike and the Mad Dog, Lattie McGee, Comfest, Rotten Neighbor and RottenNeighbor.com, Brooke Bennett, Unity, NH (New Hampshire), Dickie Scruggs, Russian spy code, Papa loves you, Tejay, you can heal your life, all of you and your searchers are welcome!  Also, hello to Wimbledon, Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, Venus Williams, Serena Williams, and the tennis hotties Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic, long tanned legs, hard serves, miles per hour, MPH, ace, close match, tiebreaker.  Dow fell 106.91 to close at 11,346.51.  Good luck on your opening, Wall-E, and Angelina Jolie kicks butt in Wanted.  It must be ratings week, Jennifer Love Hewitt is in a bra scene on Ghost Whisperer and those massive melons are overflowing.

Everybody take a look around (click click click), have a great weekend, and see you when I see you.  VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA.

Say NO to nukes!

Areva likes to use this commercial with Lipps Inc.’s Funky Town below.  It almost makes deadly, dangerous, toxic, permanently damaging nuclear power seem as innocuous, even fun, as Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber, which used the same song in its original trailer back in 1994.  Don’t be a fool like CNBC hired moron Dennis Kneale, JUST SAY NO to nukes!

We’ve only just begun (your bear market, CNBC)

OK, I can kinda deal with the resident idiot Dennis Kneale and the cow-brained and cow-bodied Sue Herrera constantly spinning market developments and prodding a never-ending parade of all-too-eager guests to call for the bottom of the Dow Jones Industrial Average, but not Melissa Lee.  Honey, didn’t they teach you something at Harvard and Mercer?

I try not to watch CNBC, only have it in the background so that I can look up at the screen to see if there are any major developments.  Where have you gone, CNNfn?  But everytime I make the mistake of turning the volume on, all I hear is stock pimping rubbish, optimistic misinterpretations, and a widespread and highly worrysome state of denial.

Look people, I grew up at a time when the Dow didn’t move and nobody paid attention to the stock market.  Night in, night out, Walter Cronkite would mention something for 45 seconds before a commercial about some Dow thingy being at 1,000 something or other.  Later on, when junk bonds fueled a boatload of M&A and LBOs, the Dow started to move, and then the stock market became more and more visible.  But today, you have a whole network of stock pimping fools acting like a bunch of children asking their parents, “Are we there yet?”

The Dow will bottom at 5,000 sometime in the 2010s and stagnate for something like 7 – 10 years at those levels.  Eventually, once real, problem-solving capitalists figure out how to recreate a growth economy based on sustainable power generation and transportation while making wise and efficient use of the remaining fossil fuels for other essential human needs, we can begin to talk about the Dow bottoming and a return to stock market prosperity.  This is if Obama wins in 2008.  If McCain wins, Olduvai theory comes to mind.  Are you people at CNBC going to ask if we have hit bottom for the next 15 years?

Karen Carpenter was before my time, but I always liked her and her voice.  Too bad I couldn’t find a version in which she played the drums (how cool was that), but here’s a song that will clearly convey to you where we are in your bear market, peeps.  It’s something we can and will survive (unless you are a Baby Boomer) if you vote intelligently in November and forevermore.  Chill out, relax, it’s gonna be a long ride.

Diminutive landlord billionaire Sam Zell refutes oil prices

I tune in for 5 minutes and I get sick to my stomach enough to break my promise to myself and post.

In its constantly nonsensical, bullshitty, and crappy effort to calm the markets, put forth a happy face, and convince the American public that business as usual (BAU) will prevail in spite of nature’s inability to supply us with more cheap oil, CNBC Squawk Box interviewed billionaire non-geologists Bob Doll of BlackRock and Sam Zell of Equity International to grace us with their already-known, predictable optimistic views of the economy, oil prices, and the stock market.  Bob Doll looked absolutely like a deer in the headlights while spouting off his drivel to bolster the confidence of Larry Kudlow’s “investor class”, the facial expression failing to support the reassuring words coming out of his mouth.  The diminutive landlord Sam Zell (left), who couldn’t possibly have a Napoleon complex, used his many years of commercial real estate experience to assess that oil prices couldn’t possibly stay where they are, and took advantage of his CNBC softball air time to put in his 2 cents worth about how higher taxes would impact consumers and thus negatively impact the economy.  Dude, the higher tax rates will be for YOU, not for regular Joe Schmo consumers who make up the bulk of the economy.  Zell, who apparently has been overcharging tenants as far back as the time of Moses and the Ten Commandments, even went on to say that Herbert Hoover pushed the US into the Great Depression by raising taxes.  Uhhh, what about that part where FDR (Franklin Delano Roosevelt to you search engines) raised tax rates even higher to fund investments in infrastructure, public works, and ultimately war to break the Great Depression and launch this nation on a fifty-year run to economic heights and progress never before seen in history?  Zell even went to cut off CNBC hottie Becky Quick – I knew I would get her into this post somehow – to diss the American people (“When did the American public all of a sudden become economists?”  When did you, Zell?) and Barack Obama.

Here are the videos of Doll and Zell.

The oil crisis will have the power to transform today’s billionaires into tomorrow’s millionaires (or worse, since many billionaires won’t want to return to being millionaires and will do things to themselves), so there is no supply shortage of supposedly credible people to verbally prop up the BAU economy on CNBC in the name of pure self-interest.  The debate will last for years and thus the crisis and the transformation will also be long and arduous.  I only hope that we will have a leader like Barack Obama in power to guide us through the abyss.

Becky Quick, oil, the Dow, Miami Heat select Beasley, TTYL

It seems that I should include Becky Quick in every post to increase my page views so all I will say here is check out my new static pages “Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings”, “CNBC Bra Sizes”, and “CNBC Babe Gallery”, all of which feature Rebecca “Becky” Quick, the hottest flat-chested chick of all time.  And for those of you who are imagining a tryst between the lovely young Ms. Quick and 437-year-old Warren Buffett, please, I just ate (I see your search engine terms, remember).  I also just went from Republican to Democrat and such a hook-up would just about convert me to communism.

We all just may have to convert to communism given that our presently unsustainable economic system - based on continued growth but ultimately constrained by petroleum and other limited fossil-fuel resources – is slowly starting to crumble.  Today, the Dow dropped 358.41 points closing at 11,453.42, its lowest point since September 2006.  Oil raced past $140 per barrel for the first time.  Contrary to what you will hear on CNBC, we are nowhere near the bottom for the Dow nor the top for oil prices.  Remember how the Dow closed on October 2, 2002 at 7286.27?  That was prior to our energy crisis, at least two years before global oil supply began to plateau.  As I have said repeatedly here, here, here, here, and here, look for Dow 5000 and $300 per barrel oil sometime in the 2010s.  How do we fix this?  Well, I was kidding about communism.  We need realistic, informed, intelligent energy and economic policies, and that means Barack Obama.  A vote for McCain is a doubling-down on an increasingly bad bet on oil and a vote for ultimate failure, which will lead to communism (with Comrade McCain as its dictator) at best and cannibalism at worst.  So fight communism and cannibalism and vote for Barack Obama.

In tonight’s Swing State Sports News, the Miami Heat selected Michael Beasley, a 6’8″ power forward from Kansas State, with the second pick of tonight’s NBA Draft.  So far, at 8:45 PM EDT, there has been no trade involving the Heat.  There had been speculation by ESPN’s Steven A. Smith that the Heat might take O.J. Mayo, a 6’5″ guard from USC, or even trade Shawn Marion to the Chicago Bulls for guard Kirk Heinrich, power forward Tyrus Thomas, and other stiffs.  I think Beasley will be a beast underneath with his scoring ability and athleticism, provided the Heat can keep him away from South Beach for long enough periods to practice and play.

I have travels over the next week and lots of work, so I will be gone for at least a week.  I have invested a ton of time building out this blog, so welcome, please enjoy yourself, take a look around (click click click), and check out the video below of 6’1″ Senator Obama speaking on Energy and the Economy.  I must tell you, in a perfect world, the 5’7″ McCain would have no chance of winning, so VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA.  If you don’t agree with Senator Obama, please leave a comment because I would like to know your rationale.  Talk to you later.

New pages only for you, my peeps

Check out the new pages on the navigation bar above that I made only for you, my peeps.  Also, another Becky Quick photo below for you because I know you guys love her.  Take a look around (click click click), vote for Obama.  TTYL