I can’t seem to get my audience’s attention to this important letter to Larry Kudlow, so I added Meghan McCain’s hooters to the title and a photo of her below. Just so I can’t be accused of never saying anything good about McCain, I must say Meghan McCain has some nice big breasts. Now, read my letter to Kudlow.
Dear Mr. Kudlow (Larry):
I really BEG you on behalf of all fellow Americans to please, please stop your utter, despicable, dangerous nonsense on energy. I know most Americans do not research the energy crisis, and it would be easy for you as a public figure with the resources of a major cable “news” network to spout off a bunch of unsubstantiated and superficially impressive figures about America’s natural resources and then wave the flags of “free markets” and “free enterprise” as the answer to our problems. I also recognize that Democrats are inept at defending their position on a non-ideological, economic fact basis, and thus are unable to protect the most impressionable Americans from your lies that appeal to their tendencies and aspirations to deny reality. But dear sir, I am more than your intellectual match, and as an American patriot who loves his country, who adored the forgotten ideals of his former Republican Party, I must call you on these “facts” and how you twist and corrupt the concepts of free markets and free enterprise.
Sir, the 2 trillion barrels worth of shale that you so casually bring into the energy debate have been worthless since Jimmy Carter touted them in the late 1970s, and they will continue to be worthless until someone figures out a way to convert kerogen (petroleum precursor) into something useful (petroleum) without consuming more energy than the shale provides. The 10 billion barrels at ANWR represent only 110 days of world oil consumption, and would require such an enormous capital investment that they would lower oil prices by only 75 cents per barrel many years from now. The 90 billion barrels of offshore oil, you clearly pulled straight out of your ass. (Do you wish to claim these oil reserves officially so that the IRS can literally tax your ass?) Proven US oil reserves are 21 billion barrels, and the offshore number that you so irresponsibly misrepresent as fact with the American public would be more than double the highest level of proven US oil reserves in history. Yes, sir, I am comfortable with numbers.
The worst part, Mr. Kudlow, is how you portray your imaginary fossil-fuel riches as if the only thing standing in the way between Americans and the easy continuation of business-as-usual (BAU) American way of life is the stubborn, socialistic Democratic Congress. Well, sir, you systematically neglect to mention that because everybody (and I mean, everybody) acknowledges the end of at least cheap, easy, conventional oil (if not the end of oil itself), it will require an investment of $5.4 TRILLION to explore, develop, refine, and otherwise bring to market the largely expensive, difficult, unconventional oil that will be needed to supply world demand through 2030. This investment required is FIVE TIMES THE COMBINED MARKET CAPITALIZATION of Exxon Mobil ($466 billion), Royal Dutch Shell ($245 billion), BP ($209 billion), and Chevron ($204 billion), and the reason why oil companies do not drill as much as we would like. Just who exactly were you thinking would finance these unimaginably huge business investments? You weren’t thinking the American taxpayer, were you? Is that what you mean by “free markets” and “free enterprise”, because, Mr. Kudlow, subsidization of your future, fanciful oil would represent a socialized investment that would put Soviet Russia to shame. Are you a former Stalinist, sir? You must be because you apparently want to suppress – at all costs to the American taxpaying public – the development of THE REAL FREE-MARKET SOLUTION, which is renewable energy. Funding of these energy alternatives have been largely starved by the Bush Administration, yet have continued to develop – financed mostly by private investors – into viable, cost-competitive, large-scale options today. Why do you insist on continuing to misrepresent the facts?
As a fellow American, in the name of the security of our country and our people, I beseech you to stop the hallucinations and the lies. Please do not endeavor to corrupt free markets to prove your tired old point about free markets. And no, you will not be able to keep your wealth, regardless of who is in power. Please, sir, come back to reality. Do you not have grandchildren who would suffer if enough uninformed Americans listen to your drivel? What if our country went to the poor house spending $5 trillion looking for your contrived oil riches, only to discover there is not enough to meet its needs? Will you be around to suffer with us? Larry Kudlow, sir, please stop being a liar fuckhead.
[UPDATE, September 13, 2008: If any of you think my comparison of Larry Kudlow's fanciful and deceitful oil agenda to Soviet Russia is over the top, think again. As Jim Rogers recently said, "America is more communist than China is right now...you can see that this is welfare of the rich, this is socialism for the rich…it is bailing out the financiers, the banks, the Wall Streeters". Rogers should know; he is a Master of the Universe beyond Kudlow ever was. In this case, Rogers was referring to the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac bailouts, but these will pale in comparison to America's oil subsidy to drill dry holes if my former political party's "Drill Baby Drill" lunacy (do any of you fucks even read, much less have a geology degree?) were to win the fight for America's future on November 4. It still remains to be seen whether Middle America will vote against its own self interest again, and further entrench "socialism for the rich and rugged hard individualistic capitalism for the poor". Do not make this mistake, America. Not only is the American way of life at risk, your life and your children's lives are literally at risk. VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA AND EVERY DEMOCRAT ON YOUR BALLOT.]