CNBC Bra Sizes
VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA! VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA! VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA!
[Update July 10, 2008: This CNBC Sucks blog has taken the nation by storm. Inspired by the Japanese style of management, this blog's development has been largely organic - I am making things up as I go along, and in some cases, following Larry Kudlow's lead by pulling "facts" straight out of my ass. Anyway, our friend Jack Sparrow below suggests that I was off on Jane Wells' bra size so I decided to make CNBC Bra Sizes more participatory. We won't start with Jane Wells, but with yummy (bodywise, not facewise) Melissa Francis, whose bra size is the most mysterious on CNBC. Take a look at the poll in the sidebar and vote. Whichever bra size wins becomes the official bra size of Melissa Francis and will update CNBC Bra Sizes. After Ms. Francis (whenever I feel like ending the poll), Jane Wells is next.]
[Update, July 28, 2008: Happy 1,000th page view, CNBC Bra Sizes! Aren't we popular? And we seem to be popular with even the ladies! Oh my. (For those who keep coming back to this page, please feel free to do so over and over again. I know it's addictive...viewing this page, I mean.) I have updated Melissa Francis' official bra size to 34.5C based on the average response to date in the CNBC Bra Size Poll on the right sidebar (stop voting in your own poll, Melissa). I upgraded Trish Regan to an unequivocal 34D based on pure whim, Larry Kudlow style, plus to support my plan to replace Margaret Brennan with Regan as "the most sexable chick on CNBC". I also upgraded Jane Wells to a certain 36C based on Jack Sparrow's recommendation. Finally, as a feminist, I felt obligated to add Jim Cramer based on Murray's recommendation, but I suspect Jim's a 46B (I try hard not to think about it), not a 34C.]
[Update, July 31, 2008: I am getting several hits for Janet Shamlian. Now vote for Obama. Yes, friends, your eyes do not deceive you. Now vote for Obama. Janet Shamlian might be "short" on journalistic effort, but she is "long" on nunga-nungas. (I love it when I can get capital markets jargon into the discussion because then this almost feels like a financial blog.) I forgot what else I was gonna write. Now vote for Obama. Oh yeah, I hardly watch CNBC anymore, so what was she wearing that caused your CNBC BoObsession and make you search for content on Janet Shamlian's breasts?]
[Update, August 6, 2008: Hi everybody! I may have written The End?, but it is clear that I am not gone, my brothers (and boob-obsessed sisters). I just have to focus on my work, but I would never completely and permanently leave you guys, not if I can help it. I just want to make a quick point here, fellas. We live in a great, fantastic country. You can get rich. You can hook up with a fine, busty American woman. Our women are the envy of the world, except when they eat a little too much. But if you just walk around Manhattan during summer, Lordy Lordy, there are a FREAKIN' LOT OF HOT CHICKS around, and they wear sooo little. Now, this dude who did a CNBC BoObsession-type search today with the terms "margaret brennan i want to fuck", I totally get you, pal. Strictly for search engine optimization, I write that Maggie B is so cute and approachable-looking with that milky skin and the thin, lithe body punctuated by spectacular 34D Irish funbags. I GET IT. Maggie B might be taken so if you insist on dating a super hot chick from CNBC, I am afraid you may have to pony up a few hundred grand for a short fling with Trish Regan before your money runs out...unless you work for Goldman. Anyway, my point is that this country is BLESSED WITH FRIENDLY, HOT, BUSTY CHICKS. We are the luckiest men on the face of the Earth!!! But our women might not stay friendly, hot, and busty if you vote for John McCain. I mean, what's a bigger "turn-off", "mood-killer", or "deal-breaker" for a young, busty gal than a nuclear war or starvation or cannibalistic chaos in the streets. Well, that's just what you might get if you vote for John McCain, Larry Kudlow, and their crazy petrosocialist energy plan. Buds, this McCain moron finished in the BOTTOM 1% (ONE FUCKING PERCENT) OF HIS NAVAL ACADEMY CLASS. Plus, his own Republican Party members accused McCain of still being under Viet Cong control during the 2000 primaries. Let's just say that electing a Viet Cong controlled POW into the White House would not be good for business. VOTE FOR BUSTY AMERICAN CHICKS...VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA AND THE DEMOCRATS.]
I get a lot of traffic from searches on the babes of CNBC. That’s fine. I get it. You want to know as much about these hot babes as possible. Strictly in the interest of increasing my page views and filling up my static page navigation bar, and following in the great traditions of ”celebrity bra size estimate” Web sites such as this, this, and that, I bring you “CNBC Bra Sizes”. Yeah, I know, this is awful objectification of women. But you didn’t think CNBC hotties got their jobs based on brilliant business analytical skills or tenacious objective journalism, did you? Until I see an improvement in the quality and objectivity of financial journalism on that network (stop rooting for the Dow, damn it), female CNBC anchors and reporters are for the most part stock pimps with boobs. The most notable exceptions are Mary Thompson, Bertha Coombs, and Diana Olick, so I exclude them from this discussion out of well-earned respect. Same with Karen Finerman, since she isn’t CNBC staff at all but a very successful hedge fund manager. I also respect the abilities of both Margaret Brennan and Sharon Epperson, but their boobs are just too big to leave out.
For more information on CNBC boobage, use the search function and get results like this: http://cnbcsucks.wordpress.com/?s=busty
The following CNBC Bra Sizes are strictly estimates based on many years of experience sneaking a look at the size labels of bras worn by women with whom I just had sex. Please consult your financial advisor before making any trades based on this analysis.
Margaret Brennan, 34D (a full 34D) probationary 34D
Trish Regan, 34D (a smaller 34D; you know there are qualifiers within bra sizes, right?)
Becky Quick, 34B (I may be somewhat generous here)
Melissa Lee, 34C or 36B (she gets a little heavy at times)
Michelle Caruso Cabrera, 36D or 36DD (see video below)
Melissa Francis, 34.5 “full C cup” (as of 43 votes in the CNBC Bra Size Poll; vote for her official bra size on the right sidebar)
Erin Burnett, 34B with stuffed tissues
Jane Wells, 36C (plus a fun personality)
Rebecca Jarvis, 34B (not a fun personality, I am guessing)
Sharon Epperson, 36C
Maria Bartoromo, 36C or 36D, maybe 38D if too much pasta
Sue Herrera, 38C or 40C (I have never gotten a search engine hit for Sue Herrera chubby chasers exist)
Julia Boorstin, 34B
Janet Shamlian, 36C or 36D [added June 28, 2008]
Amanda Drury (CNBC Asia), 34B or 34C [added June 30, 2008; amended August 3, 2009]
Jim Cramer, 46B [added July 28, 2008]
Anna Martin (CNBC Europe), 36D or 36DD [added October 6, 2008; you would enjoy a date with this chick]
Jack Sparrow said
too funny dude..keep up the good work. I think your a cup size off Jane Wells. She`s the most irritating of em all. She looks like a real ball buster (she needs a voice lubricant) but her bra`s beggin for mercy.
Look close next time.
Murray said
Jim Cramer is easily a 34C
Slade said
They have a young reporter that I’ve seen mostly in some of their online summary segments that is a seriously hot piece of a$$ (like Fox Business Network hot). Her name is Courtney Reagan – see video here:
She seems like she would be dumb as a rock on financial topics, and checking out her , she is a sorority girl from Miami University. But staring at her read the teleprompter sure beats watching Bertha Coombs do it.
Kevin said
Of all the CNBC reporteresses Michelle Caruso Cabrera has the most galactic, mind bending bosom. It’s hard not to notice the beautiful women on the network, and I commend you for setting up this site to take advantage of all the google searches for nude photos of the anchor women.
I don’t think CNBC is merely partisan like FOX. A few of the CNBC folks are GOP tools, like Kudlow and Kneale, but most of the rest appear to do their best to report on the markets, and are adjusting their world view to new realities.
For example, I used to think MCC was just another GOP operative like Larry Kudlow or Dennis, and her free market orthodoxy got in the way of my enjoyment of her tight sweaters, but I noticed she’s been getting a little deeper in her comments over the past few weeks as the “free market” turns out to be a game rigged for plutocrats, and I love her again.
Brian said
Kevin,
I tend to agree with you, with the exception of Michelle Caruso-Cabrera. She’s an absolute GOP hack. She’s constantly spouting pro-GOP talking points and bad-mouthing anything and everything even remotely related to the Democratic Party.
That being said, her cans are spectacular…
cnbcsucks said
Kevin, thank you. A Michelle Caruso-Cabrera who uses her brain and applies some critical thinking to the economic policies of the Republican Party, of which I remain a registered member, would be the human female equivalent of the nuclear fusion reactor that I believe MIT scientist Joe Kernen is building in his basement: http://cnbcsucks.wordpress.com/2008/10/10/the-fuckface-with-the-gop-id-tag-blames-market-downturn-on-obama/. Think of it, MCC talking and not annoying you while offering up those huge, pliable, luscious melons. Trust me on this, you won’t be worrying about stock market crashes or Great Depressions.
Kevin said
Yes, unfortunately, the GOP hack MCC version is back. I think she showed some depth and insight during her recent trips abroad, but now that she’s back stateside, she’s plugged back into the GOP mind control network and her rack has gone off the grid as a possible power source to solve our nation’s woes.
I want to know how the talking points are disseminated. I just saw Mel Francis utter the same “44% pay no taxes” line that Ari Fleischer used on Colbert last night.
Alan Wilensky said
I am hot for author Amity Shlaes – just sayin’.
Jim said
Melissa Lee needs me all up in that even with that voice – MCC’s face is the antidote to viagra – Herrera is Kudlow’s femdom
Bruce said
You forgot Patricia Szarvas who is a solid and always showing 34C
Jilly Rizzo said
With those bra size guesses it is apparent that you haven’t spent much time with women.
Mike said
34b is the average not 34d as I keep reading. My wife is a solid 36D. They are all tools of the Rich (Dem and GOP). They do not even undersatnd basic economics.
Barry Reinhard said
The best for me is the beautiful Red haired beauty Lis Clayman, An avid runner, mom and a bodacious beauty. As far as the most strikingly beautiful , intelligent and nice chest is Alexis Glick. and absolutely beautiful girl of Irish Decent, Erin Burnett reminds me of Danica Patrich. Small chest, absolutely beatifiul and intelligent. WE need to see a little more ass shots. Hear that cameramen. Magicmelvin
Barry Reinhard said
I failed to mention Patty Ann Browne. Stunning, sophisticated and makes my knees weak. Absolutely beautiful! Magic
RJ said
I know this is a little late, but you may be interested to know that “borsten” in Dutch means breasts!
gulpttub said
I’m just a poor sap and I splurged getting my front chipped tooth fixed . So why doen’t Melissa Lee fill in that betal nut cavern on the lower right side of her mouth. Sometimes she looks like a star and sometimes she looks like the lady that cut in line on the bus.
JoeChambro said
Thanks for adding Amanda Drury, she’s a definite Fox…CNBC needs more hot biznass chicks like her…gorgeous!
cnbcyum said
Since you’ve added Amanda ‘Mandy’ Drury who does a week in the US and a month in Australia, you need to add Karen Tso of CNBC Asia. She needs me!
darren said
AManda Drury has the hottest rack on CNBC. I am betting it is at least a C…bordeline D from some angles.
Bill said
Really, you are long the stock market because you want to retire? My guess is that that you own very few stocks if any. CNBC is for entertainment, if you think of it more than I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. Yes, there are little pieces of information that you can use to be profitable but you still have to mine for them. Jim Cramer has the one of the hardest jobs ever, he regularly picks stocks.
I see you are an Obama supporter as I support the president I did not vote for him. Age is not a reason to vote or not vote for any politician. Same as race, gender, etc. That is borderline racist, ageist, etc.
Back to your original comment about retiring. I admit you have a niche here (anchor boob size, mashonistic but goes along with your racists tendencies) and I hope you make your money blogging as I am suspect of your investing skills. Obama is creating a new middle class it is what use to be called poor. Give the money to the best performers, they are the one who have a track record of doing something with it.
Evil Weezel said
Erin Burnett = 32AA but still damned attractive.
CT said
MCC is 34B off camera… I know I’ve crushed a few dreams.
Margaret B is no way near a 34D. She’s at my gym, that sports bra is a B.
Melissa Francis: Yes, That’s My Bra Size! | Bailout and Financial Crisis News said
[...] ok, so what’s the poll she’s looking at. It’s on this site, and the winning guess is… 34C. So there you go, another vindication of the wisdom of [...]
What Guru’s are Saying : Melissa Francis Throws Down The Gauntlet said
[...] now. It seems a website called CNBC Sucks has published a list guesstimating the bra sizes of the network's on-air talent. Obviously this [...]
CRU1955 said
CNBC has some of the smartest women on TV.
TheTradingReport » Blog Archive » Melissa Francis: Yes, That’s My Bra Size! said
[...] ok, so what’s the poll she’s looking at. It’s on this site, and the winning guess is… 34C. So there you go, another vindication of the wisdom of [...]
lenilenape said
Has Michelle Caruso-Cabrera had a nose job?
Krafty said
Although I don’t find MCC very attractive and she seems like a royal biatch, her rack is by far the best on the network and easily a DD.
Brad said
* There are many beautiful women on CNBC. Some that know they are beautiful, and others that “hide” the beauty within them. Most people tune in for the markets, I tune in for the BEAUTY!
blacdudelustingmcc said
i love mcc. a killer body and not victim seeking “liberal” and too much sexual energy to be a conservative. she must go nuts living in puritanical united states.