CNBC Date Cost Estimates
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I am not particularly inspired right now, because I don’t watch CNBC much any longer. CNBC is just too annoying and useless. But there’s an idea that has been rattling around in my head, and it is the estimates of how much it would cost to date the different women on CNBC ($ per date). I have to warn you this page is pretty lame compared to the overall genius of this blog, but hey, it’s another click for you and another page view for me. I will come back and enhance this, so let’s just call it a beta.
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Here are several CNBC Date Cost Estimates, in order of most expensive to least expensive, based on pure Larry Kudlow style speculation. I will add to this list when I feel like it, so keep clicking every five minutes to check whether I have updated it yet.
JOHN McCAIN FINISHED IN THE BOTTOM 1% OF HIS NAVAL ACADEMY GRADUATING CLASS
- Trish Regan: In exchange for the previlege of dating this spectacular, 34D twin-Hindenburg toting, opera-singing, beauty-pageant winning superstar, you will have to do more than go to the local ATM and get $40, more than $100, more than $200. You are either going to have to rob Fort Knox or convince a billionaire to adopt you, because Trish Regan is The Most Expensive Date of All Time. Dude, this superbabe knows the wealthiest, most successful men of the wealthiest, most successful city on Earth, and she knows darned well she is worth it. This is no dumb bimbo, this is an expensive bimbo. Think a private jet to a secluded Caribbean island for an overnighter before she has to show up for her morning shift at the CNBC studio - showered and prepared unlike Erin Burnett. CNBC Date Cost Estimate: $34,573
- Rebecca Jarvis: Anybody who was that annoying for a whole season of The Apprentice has to be really expensive. Rebecca Jarvis is the quintessential white girl yuppie so I would guess some sort of trendy restaurant with foo-foo food. I would not hold out hope for interesting conversation. CNBC Date Cost Estimate: $24,474 (including opportunity costs)
- Maria Bartoromo: The so-called Bank Skank (I would just as well leave out the “Bank”) used to look fairly good, always thinks it is or should be a bull market, and is more full of herself than Elizabeth Taylor, so it’s going to be expensive. I don’t know exactly what is involved, but I am pretty sure pasta is in there somewhere. Be careful of walking past a jewelry store. CNBC Date Cost Estimate: $1,373
- Michelle Caruso-Cabrera: Remember how I said, with Trish Regan, “you will have to do more than go to the local ATM and get $40, more than $100, more than $200″? Well, $40 will be good enough here. This is the dumb bimbo. I would say you will need to spring for someplace classy like a nice bowling alley in Hoboken. Just be careful not to get into a conversation. CNBC Date Cost Estimate: $40
- Margaret Brennan: Despite having major league bazongas, Maggie B is a nice, sweet, unpretentious gal, so low-maintenance and inexpensive a regular guy can date her. Heck, you could be an unemployed actor and date her; sorry, I am not going to name names. Below, Maggie B makes fun of her friend Trish Regan by showing how much it would cost for one date with Regan. CNBC Date Cost Estimate: -$278 (because Maggie B is conditioned to paying)
This is what you need to date Trish Regan
trish's mother said
Trish is a fatass…long live Maggie