Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings
As expected, my “Hottest chicks on CNBC” posting on June 9, 2008 has become one of my Top Posts (i.e., the most popular posts on this blog based on page views). This has been followed by the “Who is the most popular chick / hottie / babe on CNBC?” posting, which despite being published just yesterday is rocketing up the charts. Given these developments and the massive flood of searches looking for content on CNBC babes such as Becky Quick, Michelle Caruso-Cabrera, and Margaret Brennan, I thought we should move into the 21st Century and go REAL-TIME. Well, by real-time, I mean whenever I think of it and decide to change the rankings. The rankings will be based on my own personal preferences, reactions to how these chicks are looking whenever I happen to tune in to CNBC or glance up at the TV screen, and the magnitude and direction of the online searches and page views for each individual CNBC babe. Kind of like a stock price, each CNBC hottie will be assigned a Babeliciousness Index that I will largely pull out of my ass, in the way that Larry Kudlow pulls 2 trillion barrels of imaginary oil on US soil out of his ass to promote his “Drill Drill Drill” answer to America’s energy problems.
Do these Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings objectify women and trivialize financial journalism? Yes on the first part of the question and no on the second. This is CNBC we are talking about, not FT, The Economist, Bloomberg, or even the Murdoched Wall Street Journal. CNBC itself trivializes financial journalism with its CONSTANT NONSENSE, BULLSHIT, AND CRAP. It openly roots for the Dow regardless of what efficient market hypothesis would suggest, and serves as a ministry of misinformation, misinterpretation, and propaganda for the Republican Party, the status quo, a fossil-fuel dependent economy, lazy entrenched money, clueless fund managers who lack technology knowledge and often even an MBA from a top B-school, and utter business nonsense and intellectual void. CNBC regards the stock market - and in particular the Dow Jones Industrial Average - as the end-all and be-all of business life, and consistently misses the relationship between the stock market and the well-being of the people. All too often, I have heard some CNBC idiot say, “unemployment is up, inflation is up, but hey the market is reacting positively”. CNBC’s “bury your head in the sand” attitude as a national media outlet is dangerous not only for fellow Americans who might foolishly make a bad investment based on what they see on CNBC, but America itself as our nation tries to find its way through an energy crisis over the next 10 – 15 years. Until the unabashed Pollyannic crap and stock pimping stop, CNBC hotties are open game for objectification…EXCEPT IN THIS SPECIAL FEMINISTING EDITION. Here are the latest Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings – based on qualifications, credentials, and perceived journalistic or business capabilities (any sexist side commentary notwithstanding), as opposed to looks, hair, or CNBC Bra Sizes - as of Tuesday, July 22, 2008, at 1:11 AM EDT:
1. Karen Finerman, Babeliciousness = 9.94, along with Rick Santelli the smartest people on CNBC, manages her own successful hedge fund, knows what she doesn’t know unlike some people, seems like super mom / career balance, even looked sexy on one Fast Money episode with a bit more makeup, $97 million net worth
2. Erin Burnett, 9.90, I have called her a pseudo-intellectual, but they don’t allow idiots into Goldman Sachs, and she might be the best, smartest journalist – male or female – on CNBC when she wants to be; still needs to shower before work consistently and clean up a little
3. Trish Regan, 9.89, ex-DE Shaw, ex-Goldman Sachs, cum laude from Columbia University, honors graduate from Exeter, opera singer, my only real problem with her is her myopically bullish view of Brazil’s Amazon-rainforest-burning boom; combine all that with the obvious physical gifts, and you likely have The Most Expensive Date of All Time
4. Sharon Epperson, 9.88, Harvard undergrad with a master’s degree from Columbia University, covers NYMEX generally well, too many awards and accomplishments to mention here, is the source of millions of interracial fantasies during trading hours
5. Mary Thompson, 9.85, Bloomberg and Fidelity Investments veteran with a master’s degree in journalism from Columbia University is consistently the most balanced, professional journalist on CNBC; would switch levels of airtime with boob-obsession cure Michelle Caruso Cabrera if CNBC were a legitimate financial media concern
6. Bertha Coombs, 9.83, Yale grad is a consistent, consummate journalistic professional and, like Finerman and Thompson, commands enough respect to earn automatic waiver from the page view magnet CNBC Bra Sizes; however, may suffer discrimination in the case of a McCain administration since John McCain hates Cubans
7. Melissa Lee, 9.79, ex-Mercer, former Assistant Managing Editor of the Harvard Crimson; really is one of the smartest people on CNBC when she does not get lazy and settle for being the Asian Sue Herrera intellectually and physically
8. Margaret Brennan, 9.75, named one of the top journalists under the age of 30 by the NewsBios/TJFR Group, fluent in Arabic, graduated with highest distinction from the University of Virginia, Fulbright-Hayes Scholar, inspired the Margaret Brennan Shrine I, II, III, and IV
9. Rebecca Jarvis, 9.74, officially, finally out of the doghouse, this University of Chicago grad actually has financial services experience; sure, it was for banking crisis headliners Bank of America and Citigroup, but you hardly hear her talk junk throughout the day
10. Melissa Francis, 9.56, either I am too busy staring at her mysterious chest (see the CNBC Bra Size Poll on the right sidebar), or this Harvard grad and former Little House on the Prairie moppet has not said anything stupid once about the oil crisis; perhaps learned a few things while covering energy full time…but would you please stop voting in your own poll?
[UPDATE, September 12, 2008: A special honorable mention goes out tonight to Janet Shamlian for her intrepid, cheerful, professional coverage of Hurricane Ike in Galveston, TX on MSNBC during the Rachel Maddow Show. That was the worst weather that I have seen anyone on TV report from, and Janet handled it with aplomb. Bravo. I have been critical of her journalistic efforts with CNBC, but it is clear that while she may not be a good business reporter, Janet Shamlian is a great reporter, considering that she was so game despite being separated from her family while in a Category 2 or Category 3 hurricane.]
Archives of previous Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings:
- UPDATE July 22, 2008 – Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings
- UPDATE July 14, 2008 – Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings
- UPDATE July 4, 2008 – Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings
- UPDATE June 28, 2008 – Real-Time CNBC Babe Rankings
Now watch this video and VOTE FOR OBAMA:
wayne said
the truth is… Dennis Kneale is a more attractive woman than Sue Herrera.
Kevin said
I am mesmerized by Mel Francis. She manages to transmit sex vibes through my cable network while discussing toxic mortgage backed securities and uttering random GOP talking points. Is it her eyes? Sexual energy bubbling beneath a frosty puritanical visage?
I think a torrid night with her would alter your understanding of the world. You’d no longer know which way was up, you’d be questioning your sexual preferences, and might consider voting for McCain.
ChrisB said
After they glammed her up in recent weeks, Michelle Caruso Cabrera is off the charts HOT!
cnbcsucks said
I think MCC might need a nose job, and maybe an arm job (http://cnbcsucks.wordpress.com/cnbc-babe-gallery/#comment-755). No, I do not demand physical perfection from women, but the more annoying a woman is, the more I notice her bodily flaws. In any case, to each his own.
Anyone seen Janey Wells on the final episode of Seinfeld? That was in 1998. Her nose seemed different. But I like Jane Wells and I don’t think she needed a nose job if she did have one.
ChrisB said
The thing about Caruso Cabrera’s recent glam job is it really highlights the many, many physical flaws of Sue Herrera. It seems as though it’s a zero-sum game. The better Caruso Cabrera looks, the worse Herrera looks…and she was pretty far behind to begin with.
cnbcsucks said
Did you catch the extreme closeup of MCC’s cleavage on Lose Your Power Lunch today when she was holding up a gold coin? It was so gratuitous as to be laughable. Here is the video link and the closeup begins at 1:57: http://www.cnbc.com/id/15840232?video=906877996&play=1
ChrisB said
I saw it and I thought they sunk to a new low, which is saying something. I didn’t mind the cleavage, but yes…it was so painfully obvious what they were doing that it was laughable. I did notice a lot of lines on MCC’s lower face on another gold coin close-up.
In an unrelated observation:
Dennis Kneale has still NEVER been correct in any of his observations. I’ve never before witnessed someone who is so patently wrong about everything of which he comments.
Que said
michelle caruso-cabrera…..I can’t wait until she’s laid off and I can trumpet how well the capitalist system works, by eliminating the talking head that is unable to develop a cognizant thought of her own.
Garce said
I was wondering if it was me, or was there a change with the
CNBC “babes”, it seemed like cleavage appeared and maybe even
some “enhancement”. Personally, this turns me off big time. I am
all for time and place for everything and there is no place for
that CRAP on a financial show. I can access porn all over the
place, if I need titillation … garce
Ryan said
Oriel Morrison!
Blow them all away down under
Mina said
Did Karen Finerman go to school at Harvard?
Bill Bartmann said
This blog rocks! I gotta say, that I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,
A definite great read…:)
-Bill-Bartmann
Alex said
Finerman was Wharton school. Finance
jaxx said
Que .. Michelle Cabrera is out of your league in more than just common sense..